Duck Duck Cougar?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You are a genius and a whore.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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