You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
