I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
