I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
