i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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