Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize