She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
