Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize