I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize