4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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