THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
