what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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