I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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