I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
