About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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