my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
