Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
