Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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