I am in a vortex of obligation.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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