my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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