I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
