So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize