i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
