PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
