I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
