I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
