Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
