Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
