So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
