No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
