now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
