I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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