My friends, they love my intelligence
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
