I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize