I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
