All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
