he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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