the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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