The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
