Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
