just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
