Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
