So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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