Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
