my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
