Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
