Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
