I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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