I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
my liver is dry heaving
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
