so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
