I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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