I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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