I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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