In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
40s are totally the cure
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
