Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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