I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
