Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
