i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
