This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
